A longing for something more.

In the midst of all of my nervous babbling and blushing, he grabbed my chin and pulled my face towards his. I felt my insides lurch and in that moment I didn’t know if I should pull away or kiss harder. I was frozen but my skin was aflame. My thoughts were disappearing faster than my clothes and I needed to get back in control before I did something I would regret. He let go of me and stared directly into my eyes. His own face was a mask of passion, lust, and timidness.

“Renee…” He slowed down but couldn’t resist repetitively rubbing his hand against mine. How could he say my name with such devotion? Was it the moment talking? Or, would he always say my name like that? I wanted to lose myself in this moment of pleasure but the thing about pleasure is that pleasure is fleeting.

“I just don’t want to move too fast.” I felt the awkwardness fill the space in between us as soon as I had said it. It was at that moment that I realized that we were both in our underwear, shivering now that the heat of the moment dissipated. Was I being too childish? Did I expect to not have sex? Are impromptu make out sessions too highschool? I wanted him but I didn’t want this to be the extent. I need to know that he will try and find another way inside of me if I choose to keep my legs closed. I need for him to understand that my exquisiteness exceeds the bedroom. I want the intentions of his heart to drive me insane not just his body. I will show him that love does not equal sex and that it is possible to fall in love again.

 

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